Depression

Depression grips my soul.

How I wish I could end

This pain that rips my heart.

If I could I would abandon

This world of insanity.

 

I have hidden this pain from you

Because I know that you will never

See me for who I truly am.

 

This disillusioned heart demands

Release from all the loneliness

And heartache lodged inside of me.

 

I can only see the darkness now

Living in this place

That is nothing more than

A hypocritical lie to me.

 

Nobody cares if I hurt

Nobody cares if I walk away.

All that is seen is what they

Want to see in this hellish ocean.

 

I don't care if I sin

I don't care if you hate me

I don't want to be here anymore

Wallowing in this chaotic

Creation of domineering arrogance.

 

I don't want you to be here for me

I don't want you to tell me everything

Is alright because it isn't and it

Will never be that way for me.

 

If I continue to care

If I continue to let you

Walk all over me,

It means you fucking win!!

 

So I will satisfy you and leave

This place of nonexistance

And fucked up illusions.

I will give you all the reason

To hate me for the rest of your

Fucked and screwed life.

 

It is not my way to be like this

But all this darkness has

Consumed me to the point

Of hating myself more than

I hate being invisible to you.

 

You will never see the pain

In this heart and in this

Lost soul...

You wouldn't know how

To deal with me anyway

You stupid obnoxious ass!

 

So now, it is Sayonara,

Gomen Gomen for even

Taking the moment to know

All of you who don't see me

Until you want me to cry for you!

 

Goodbye goodbye to those

Of you who have enjoyed

Someone who encourages you

Because she is forever lost

In this pain called

Fucking depression,

Her mind lost to all of you

For as long as she wills it.

 

If she comes back to the world

It won't be a pretty sight.

Say goodbye to the faery you

Once knew the battle for her

Soul has been eternally lost.

 

-Raven

 

**To certain friends...this poem isn't about or for you in particular, but I must confess that I have been suffering from depression lately and I can't shake this feeling of being invisible everywhere I go and with everyone I encounter.  Please forgive the harshness of this, but my soul is slowly being eaten away by realities that won't give me some measure of peace.  To those of you who love me, I am sorry........

klm